


Regret

by SmolSoldier46



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: A tad OOC, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Can be read as a relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jonnys actually good at emotions in this, Self-Worth Issues, Ts is a person and you can quote me on that, can be read as polymechs, why do I write so much about the Toy Soldier? The world may never know ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26757283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmolSoldier46/pseuds/SmolSoldier46
Summary: Ts loses its voice
Relationships: Jonny d'Ville & The Toy Soldier, The Toy Soldier & The Mechanisms
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> theres a decent amount of dismemberment and self worth problems so if you're not great with that this might not be the story for you.

To say Jonny regretted leaving the Toy Soldier alone was an understatement, he despised himself for it. 

Ever since he threw the 'Dear Doctor' out the airlock he has assumed the position of captain, whether the rest of the crew would admit it or not. It was his job as the captain to manage the ship's passengers and direct orders, something the Toy Soldier knew more than one thing about. He was supposed to protect the rest of them from the galaxies outside, it was his responsibility. That's why it hurt so much to find the Toy Soldier in the state it was in. 

They had left them on a nice small planet far from anything dangerous. It wasn't necessarily that they didn't want its presence at the moment, more they didn't want it to get involved. They 're going to be heading to a rather distasteful planet to fetch some replacements for both Aurora and Brian and with the Toy Soldier knack to follow any order given it wasn't safe to bring them along. It wasn't hard to find a nice place to drop them off, a nice small hotel on the outskirts of a town nobody knew the name of, peaceful, quiet, and safe, or so they thought. Apparently the crew had not been as cautious as they thought they had been and when they returned to the small planet they were greeted by the sight of the familiar terrain burned to the ground.

At first Jonny had thought they took a wrong turn but that couldn't be right. They had taken every precaution, he had followed every direction. Dr. Carmilla was able to do this before. Why not him? Hell she would be able to leave him on a planet for a decade and he would be safe no matter what, why is it that the first time he does it always goes wrong? He didn't want this, he thought it would be fine, he was wrong.

He had little time to dwell on his thoughts before the others practically leaped into action splitting up like second nature. He was with Tim as always, neither man would admit it but they made an excellent team. Ashes was scoping low while Raphaella hovered above what little counted as houses still. Nastya, Ivy, and Brian had opted to search through recent broadcasts made to the planet, more specifically this town. Marius looked for anyone who could possibly give them a lead, he was also looking for any survivors to elaborate on the situation at hand. It shouldn't be hard to find someone with such a big group especially not somebody who stood out as much as the Toy Soldier. 

This was only doubted when they returned after three days of non stop searching tearing apart what little was left of the town and being quite thorough throughout the whole process. The rest had also come up empty handed, no survivors, no notes, not a single letter pointing to what could've possibly gone down. It wasn't until Ivy emerged with a cup of tea and stack of papers did they have any useful information. A war. Of course. 

Wars were nothing new to The Mechanisms, they had seen plenty and participated in even more. The Toy Soldier was exempt from this rule after tallying up what seemed like an uncountable number of tragedies from each separate occurrence, the only one who knew the exact number of wars they had participated in was Ivy and the Toy Soldier themselves, the number was roughly somewhere between 500 and 1,000 according to her. 

“If you count all the smaller, less planet destroying ones'” she had highlighted them when describing the experiences. “To be honest it's highly likely they even forgot to add a couple to the never ending list”.

They had of course won about half (whether that be from the constant side switching or pure brute force is still unknown). What they hadn't counted was the war that was silently bubbling nearby.

Jonny had practically buried himself in the papers on the table skimming each one as the dots slowly connected. A war was going on nearby, that wasn't hard to guess. What was unexpected was the capture of this planet for the rebelling side, apparently it was quite a victory despite being an easy target. It wasn't hard to acknowledge that almost any territory gained in a war is good but for the territory to be burned to the ground wasn't exactly the smartest move. 

Ivy generously had highlighted the information she found important for the crew and that she deemed Jonny should read out loud to the crew. One notable section was the one describing the military that lived here. At least a hundred soldiers in this town alone and more in the two neighboring cities. They put up a fight and tried to starve out the rebels, when that didn't work they resorted to the next most powerful thing, arson.

To say the crew was worried was the least, they had listened to the Toy Soldier despite their protesting, they knew their opinion on fire and actually tried quite carefully to avoid the two interacting. Only once had Ashes made the serious mistake of it getting caught up in a gasoline filled evening. It had avoided Ashes completely after that night for a month before making any meaningful reaction, even then they still smelled of charcoal and were missing a hand excusing them from playing the mandolin. The whole crew developed a bit more control after that when it came to flames, Ashes especially often warning them a half hour beforehand and keeping an extinguisher just in case things got out of hand. 

That's why it was concerning to know that the soldiers had burned the planet to the ground to slaughter the rebels who still stood before fleeing the now ruined planet, with a few captives of course.

"I also have one letter, the names aren't important but what is is the contents in the third paragraph," she took a light sip. "We have also found the most peculiar automaton, a wooden figure that won't stop smiling, even with its hand and feet turned to charcoal, I await further instruction as to what to do with them for I do not believe they were involved with rebels, merely passing through."

Even Jonny was able to recognize what was going on here. Toy Soldier got captured, not the worst outcome if he was being real. He wasn't going to lie, he thought they had burned to ash unknowing of when their friends would return, unknowing if they would be saved this time. It wasn't pleasant to think about but it was a possibility, a possibility that made this small confirmation feel like a gift from the heavens. 

"Can you track it?" Brian asked. "If we know the location we can hopefully trail them."

"I know," she answered. "The problem is I don't exactly have a location, I have multiple."

"What do you mean you have multiple you only have one letter," Jonny argued confused. 

She fidgeted uncomfortably before beginning to explain. "I found something else, a comms update. While I believe only one ship has it, it is not in one part. The Toy Soldier is dismantled."

He felt a small shiver at that, yes the crew had been dismantled before, hell it's almost Raphaella’s job, what didn't happen quite so often was somebody staying dismantled. He knew the Toy Soldier healed differently than the rest, they typically needed everything to be replaced before regrowing rapidly. It was odd and typically annoying to deal with but it did prove one thing to the crew, it could take years for the Toy Soldier to grow back from a single leg. So to say that it was concerning was putting it lightly.

"Where do we find it?" Brian asked surprisingly forcefully when on MJE. 

"There's a ship circling a nearby planet, it's safe to assume that they hold the Toy Soldier considering its a makeshift prison for captured rebels."

"Then what are we waiting for here?" Tim asked, getting up from the chair he was sitting in. "I don't know about you but I would like to get this over with as soon as possible."

Ashes nodded. "Brian, Ivy, do you mind directing the Aurora to the ship. Jonny, Tim, and I are going to go roundup some more heavy duty weaponry, maybe some gasoline if my mood stays this way."

The two nodded and quickly made their way to the auroras cockpit to redirect their dear ship. It didn't take long for Jonny to begin following the two at a brisk pace to the weaponry.

It was a large room for such a small crew, the wall lined with shelves each holding a unique weapon of choice. Everybody on the crew had a different style when it came to fighting and the weapon in question would need to match that, besides you wouldn't take a bear down with a simple knife. Jonnys weapon of choice was unsurprisingly guns, specifically two small modified revolvers. They weren't necessarily special, quite common in New Texas actually, but the cravings, the dents and line work, the wooden handles worn with age, and the easily re-loadable chambers, that was what made it special to him. He had given Tim a similar model and the man had quickly shown his despise for the old fashioned design.

"It takes way too long to reload and can't even shoot that far," he claimed. "It's more of a toy than a gun."

He was wrong of course, a toy wouldn't make someone bleed on impact but Jonny understood the insult. He had been shot a fair number of times by a variety of weapons and the revolvers were by far the worst to deal with, dull enough to leave a lasting pain but strong enough to get lodged if the person shooting was close enough. 

It didn't take long for them to collect what they needed, besides this wasn't exactly meant to be fun to do. None of them had talked about the 'plan' but each separately knew the rough outline. Get in, steal back the majority of the Toy Soldier, and run killing if necessary (though necessary was drastically different depending on each one). It was a simple straight forward plan that even he could get. The worst that could happen was one of them got shot a little too much and they had to drag not only one body but two back to the ship, which would annoy Nastya of course but that wasn't the main concern, that or the Aurora's cleanliness. 

It took only a couple minutes longer before the three began making their way to the docking bay decked out with an almost uncountable amount of lead. Ashes was even carrying a small bag filled to the brim with gunpowder and gasoline just in case things got a little more exciting then they we're anticipating. 

"The ships are small," Ivy explained, handing them a piece of paper with a rough but accurate layout of the new ship. "They'll most likely be held in one of the storage rooms though if you can't find them there then check the Weaponry, we all know that some people think of it more as an object then being."

She had said the last part with a hint of disgust before back up out of the airlock. "Good Luck!"

Tim gave a small salute as the door closed before turning back to the group as the one in front of them opened to reveal five soldiers' weapons drawn and aimed. "Hello!"

"Hands in the air and weapons down."

"Well that's rude,"Tim pouted. "I'd rather not leave my things behind with strangers."

"You wouldn't leave your things behind if you were dismembered, Tim."

"Both of you stop, we came here for a reason."

"Weapons down!"

Ashes turned back the trained weaponry ready to fire at any minute and with a sigh carefully placed their bag on the ground and raised their hands. They looked at the five bored already of the presence. "Can we talk now?"

"Not until your companions put their weapons down."

Tim let out an exaggerated groan as he rolled his eyes. Carefully he began to remove the four guns he had managed to hide in his coat as well as enough bullets to power three machine guns. After another short pat down a small pistol joined the pile. Jonny placed the revolver he was currently holding by his feet careful to not move the hidden second one too much.

"So," they began. "We came here to retrieve something we believe you have. A wooden automaton that speaks in a foreign accent, we want it back."

One of the guards began to move forward. "What makes you think we would have something like that?"

"Oh you know just a hunch," he chimed in. "Maybe a letter or two to your superiors."

"A letter to our superiors?" the questioned. "You do know it is illegal to read confidential information, correct?"

Jonny groaned. "Go yes we know, look sir ma'am neither or in between we just want the Toy Soldier back and then we'll be out of your hair and nobody needs to get hurt."

"You act like you have an advantage here."

"I do."

"You don't you cocky rebel. If you dare to argue or hurt us we will take no mercy, you will not be taking the automaton with you, not today not ever."

Jonny sighed and began to fidget. "And you're taking the hard way, well jokes on you my dear friend we have an ace up our sleeve, Ashes?"

"Now?"

He nodded and was answered with a deep sigh. 

Everything moved in a bit of a blur after that. Blood and violence was like second nature to them, organized violence was nothing new and if anything was even more fun. Something about the fluid memorized motions and thrill of the kill filled them with glee and a euphoric energy that never got old. Even if he couldn't remember the exact pattern he remembered the addicting feeling and thrill he got from the sound of his gun hitting whatever target stood in his way. 

This was the long way around of saying the three had now begun a lock down. They had around two hours on average before things got really messy, two hours to find their friend, it was not ideal but they had worked under harder pressure before. Ashes as always took the lead in directing them down and around the hallways until they reached a metal door that had been luckily left unlocked. 

The three slipped inside the storage room carefully listening as the soldier ran by oblivious to the group's hiding place. Soldiers were quite easy to fool sometimes and this was a great example of that. The room was large and open filled with metal crates and boxes with a variety of labels. It would take hours to search through each separately and even longer if their dear friend wasn't even in the room. Jonny was quite thankful for the map and organizations patterns this ship just so happened to have. 

"So which box?" Tim asked, gesturing at the room.

"According to this, the top left is our best bet.

"Great! Let's grab what we can and make a run then!" he smiled rushing over and climbing up the shelves. "Tim you stay on lookout, Ashes can I get some help with this?"

He groaned at the order as they joined him in raiding the boxes. It was a stroke of luck for the box to be correct. Stuffed inside we're the familiar wooden limbs of their friend wrapped carefully in paper to prevent any damage. It was heavy, just over the Toy Soldiers normal weight but after handing off some of the limbs Jonny could carry it quite easily. He tried not to dwell on the fact he was carrying the equivalent of its chopped up remains in a cardboard box. 

Typically Jonny would be much more enticed to violence but right now he just wanted to leave. It felt unnaturally wrong to avoid going back to the ship right now and he didn't want to risk the destruction of their friend, more than they already have been destroyed that is. So he had opted to let Tim and Ashes deal with any soldiers who managed to find them as he counted the limbs careful to not drop any. It wasn't necessarily difficult to move it back to the ship, it had always been rather light, and they had rounded around the corners of the ship in just under an hour and a half, plenty of time to spare.

Tim gave the cameras a salute before jumping on the platform with his friends as the airlock closed and Aurora took off. It was routine to do a disinfection cycle but they could skip it for now, mainly because nobody wanted to lay out and regather the Toy Soldier but Nastya didn't need to know that. It was however pleasing to see Raphaella Marius and Nastya sitting at a table with a variety of supplies laid out. 

"How bad is it?" the engineer asked, getting up from her seat. "Scale of one to ten?"

"At least a seven," he responded, placing the box on the table as Ashes spread out the rest. "Not a complete ten, everything's in relatively good shape just not, y'know, attached."

She nodded despite her slight look of disgust. "I'll go fetch some of my spare clothes, uniforms are going to be too tight and will probably mess with everything while they're readjusting, they can borrow a coat."

With that Nastya was gone down the hallways to fetch something in the Toy Soldiers size, she was overall lucky that the two shared similar builds, worse comes to worse she just hands them a dress and claims it's an oversized shirt. Marius took a deep breath before carefully removing pieces from the box and laying them out on the table. There were a lot to say the least, multiple moving plates and bits but overall everything seemed rather functionable separately. The whole thing was more of a puzzle half done then a complete and other dismantle for parts, showing that they were gonna use it for something later. Smaller pieces were locked in seperate boxes and each one opened rather easily for something so dangerous under the right circumstances. It didn't seem to hold anything important and even then all the small pieces were mainly just gears they already had spares of so they set it aside.

After the sorting and raiding of the limbs the group began the thrilling process of reassembling their friend, Marius and Raphaella took the lead naturally since they both knew basic anatomy with the other three taking orders and instructions. Nastya had returned but after seeing the borderline chaos the three struggling she decided it was best to just wait until they were done and then make any serious changes that might be desired. It took the better part of the day to reattach and wrap everything so the limbs could grow back together.

"I don't know how long this will take to heal, it's pretty bad compared to what they normally come in with," Marius had explained as they wrapped bandages and wood glue around their neck. "They might even need to use stilts to get used to their own weight again."

"That can't be too bad to manage," Tim responded. "We just need to make sure someones near them most of the time and keep them from any violent interaction."

"Probably, we'll hopefully know if anything is unnatural or uncomfortable."

"And how long will it take to heal?" Ashes asked leaning against their knees.

"A month at least. It's slow to heal and even then they will need to readjust to being in one piece, think of it like a surgery," Raphaella added as she carefully checked its arms. "We're immortal so we heal faster but this is a lot to heal and reconfigure in a short time so it'll most likely take around the average time it would take for it to reattach a larger limb multiplied by 11, according to Ivy of course."

"Right, now does anybody mind helping me move them to their room? It can't be nice waking up on the ground even if you can't process it."

Jonny nodded moving over to help pick up their friend as he slowly directed the two to where they usually slept. He had barely gone out of his way to check in on it before so it was a bit odd to be in their room without any guidance. The walk wasn't too awkward considering that the room was just at the end of the hall from everyone elses. The room itself was a bit more strange. There were the expected uniforms hanging around them, some put on display, as he realized just how many wars they had gone through. One wall was decorated with hats and hairpieces some he hadn't even seen, one was even a glass crown embedded with a variety of jewels. Just under was a table and mirror holding a variety of wood paints and wood working tools, so that was its makeup. The place was furnished well in a way that was both overcrowded and cozy at the same time. He recognized some of the furniture as stuff that used to be in some of the rose reds offices and propaganda.

He placed them on the bed more carefully than he would ever admit before turning to Marius. "How long until they wake up?"

"Hopefully only a couple days," he responded. "Do you want me to tell you when they do wake up?" 

"Hell no."

"Alright, I'll tell you second."

Jonny flipped the doctor off before leaving. 

It did in fact take around two days for it to wake up. He claimed he was just passing by and needed to get polish for his belts, but he had also claimed that the day before. Anyhow it was surprising to see them open their eyes and immediately try to get up giving the impression of somebody rising from the grave. They slowly came to themselves and began to tug on some of the bandages restricting movement in its hand.

"I wouldn't do that doll," he protested, taking their hand away. "I'm not a doctor but I don't think everythings healed up."

It turned to face him smiling happily at his presence before nodding. They looked around their room for a bit distracted by everything despite the fact nothing had really moved. 

"Aurora can you fetch Marius?" he asked. 

She hummed in response and it didn't take long before he heard him almost running down the hallway. He arrived quickly making his way over the bed where Ts waved in greeting.

"You're awake!" he proclaimed happily. "How do you feel?"

It opened its mouth to answer the question before their smile began to waver. They tried again more forcefully only for no sound to come out. It began to wrap a hand lightly around its throat as it tried to respond until the other two intervened.

"Calm down," Jonny said pulling their hand away yet again. "It's fine its probably still healing you weren't in good shape when we found you."

It nodded noticeably upset. Silently refusing to let go of his hand. 

"Can you flex your fingers for me, just the normal exercise," he asked.

It held its hand out moving each finger separately though not without trouble. It wasn't that they didn't move just that they moved in jerky movements, like there was a preset position that they couldn't move past. The three continued down the list proving what they had been thinking for a while, not everything was healed. Ts was visibly tense starring more at whatever simple task they had been asked to do than doing the task itself. Luckily it was still able to write even if it was without the finesse they had before.

The two excused themselves to the hallway for a brief 'chat' regarding how to proceed.

"So we need a notebook?" Jonny clarified. "We need a notebook, some pens, and if they want to walk around someone to help."

Marius nodded, "I mean we can bring them stuff but I don't think they'll enjoy being unable to walk around the ship much."

"And what about the others?"he sighed. "Are we going to tell them or-" 

"Yes Jonny we are going to tell them," he argued, not letting him finish the question. "This is something everyone needs to know so we can avoid it getting worse."

"I know it's just that I don't,"He let out a noise of frustration. "I'm getting the notebook,I'll be back later."

Marius sighed before walking back into the Toy Soldiers room and sitting down at the edge of the bed. It was always hard to tell exactly what the Toy Soldier was feeling just based on expression and sometimes voice, they were quite adept at pretending to be fine when they most certainly were not, but it was clear it was sad. 

"Hey don't worry I'm sure your voice will come back," he comforted. "Until then you won't even have to worry about it being gone."

It nodded solemnly as it picked at a loose thread in its comforter. He didn't quite understand it. It claimed it couldn't feel anything physical, pain, drastic temperatures, even nails and spikes if they laid upon them, but it usually kept nice comfortable clothes and blankets. It wasn't even that it couldn't process if something would be uncomfortable or nice since he had once offered it a much more rough bunch of comforters out of curiosity only to find the blankets kept in a storage closet a couple days later. Besides that there was the fidgeting with small things and a tendency to flinch or freeze up whenever something that would be quite painful happened. Hell he swears he saw them change the temperature in the same room four times before he gave up trying to change it back. 

"Do you want anything? A cup of tea?" he asked trying to help. "I can drag someone over if you want to talk to them or maybe fetch a book from Ivy."

It shook its head continuing to pick lazily at the blanket with empty eyes. 

"Do you want to play a game? I can get out a chess board, I know how much you loved messing with the knights."

It pondered for a moment before agreeing. Luckily he didn't need to go very far to find one. It had been very specific about a board it kept in its room often avoiding bringing it out to any of the larger areas. They we're allowed to play with it, sure but they had always been very protective of it, possibly more protective than Ashes when using their favorite deck. The board in question was something they had collected from a world long since destroyed and was decorated with gold and silver highlighting every little character, it was undeniably priceless in this day and age. 

"White or black, one for white two for black."

They held up two fingers shuffling on the bed so that they were then sitting up properly against the headrest. Marius sat across from them setting down the board and beginning to place each piece onto it. The game was a bit long, Ts had the advantage of it knowledge on strategies but he had always been better at planning ahead, this was an odd combination of both of their abilities and every time they had played they each learned how to do it a little more differently than before. In other words it was confusing to watch the two play and it was even more confusing to have them explain each choice, Ivy swore that it would give her a headache sometimes and that was saying a lot.

"You guys don't even seem to think sometimes, the percentages are all over the place and yet you still have a reason behind it," she claimed exasperated as they put their match on hold. "I don't even think you know how to play sometimes."

This was usually followed by an over dramatic gasp by Marius as the Toy Soldier kindly explained how they played the game gesturing to each piece as it elaborated on their function and some of its favorite moves. Ivy had played with them once and the game slowed down considerably as she tried to rethink every strategy and percentage before she committed to any move, that coupled with the Toy Soldiers constant vigilance and war strategies meant that the game seemed to go on forever with no sign of stopping in the near future.

Jonny ended up walking in half way through the game notebook in hand. He looked at the chessboard confused before putting the notebook on a desk. "Who is even winning?"

Marius looked back at the board. "I don't know."

He squinted at the two before taking his leave. The two looked back at the game and proceeded to spend the next couple minutes actually trying to figure out who had the upper hand right now, they ended up unable to do so. They continued on with a couple more games until another knock on the door broke the silence. He got up from the bed opening it slightly just to see who was there. 

"Ashes and Tim," he explained. "Do you want to see them?"

It sat there for a moment before nodding as it finished its next turn. The two came into the room cheerfully waving at the wooden soldier who waved back gingerly. It shifted in its bed to face them. 

"How are you doing?" Ashes asked.

It paused for a minute before motioning over at the notebook resting just out of reach. Marius grabbed it, handing it over with a pen. When they showed the book Tim squinted a bit to read the handwriting.

Jolly fine, how are you?

"We're doing just fine thank you for asking dear," the arsonist continued. "Do you need anything?"

They wrote just under the previous sentence. 

I don't think so. Not right now at least.

"Have you eaten anything?" Tim chimed in voice laced with concern. "I know you don't really need to but even then."

I have not.

"Then we'll fetch you something," he responded cheerfully. "What do you feel like having?"

It sat there silently for a minute with an almost confused expression. 

I like cucumber sandwiches?

"Cucumber sandwiches it is then," Ashes added. "Do you want to come with or just lay in bed."

I would like to come please.

The three were rather nice about the whole situation but that's not to say they didn't struggle. It could barely stand by itself without going stiff and falling over much less walking to the common room. This ended up with Ashes carrying them like a bride as they held onto them. Tim had tried to carry them but it wasn't exactly neat considering both of them were lanky and seemed to have a limb in all the wrong places, he was still quite mad about having to hand them over. 

"It's not that far," he had protested, almost dropping it in the process. "Sorry!"

Luckily nobody was in the common room when they had arrived so they were able to place the wooden friend on the couch with little worry about disturbing anyone else, though everyone on the ship would most likely move too. They grabbed at one of the blankets wrapping it around itself and kicking it legs back and forth above the ground. All in all it looked like a kid in the oversized shirt Nasty had brought it and this definitely wasn't changing that look. Tim was the one who had been assigned to making the cucumber sandwiches and some tea for the group mainly because he was the only person on the ship who could make a good cup besides the Toy Soldier but they weren't going to let that feed his ego. 

It didn't take long for him to finish and happily bring out a tray filled with the sandwiches and a couple teacups. He didn't know the specific preferences the crew had like Ts but he had done his best at trying to pick the middle ground, based on everyone's reactions he had succeeded. Time passed quite nicely and mainly just consisted of the three sharing stories from when they were away as Ts listened intently to the three. It had always been a good listener and seemed to catch every detail that left their mouth. At the end of the story and what seemed to be their meal they wrote one simple thing in their notebook.

May we go back to the room? I want to pretend to sleep.

They glanced at each other before Ashes nodded. "Of course you can dear."

The arsonist carefully picked them up making their way back to the bedroom before helping them under the covers. It didn't take long for it to fall into whatever version of sleep it could and as soon as it was out Ashes left.

"What the hell happened?" they asked Marius' voice laced with concern and some rage.

"I don't know! I'm a doctor not a ventriloquist!" he protested throwing his hands in the air. "They woke up and couldn't speak and I don't know if it's damaged, healing, or even if it's there!"

"Like hell you're a doctor Von Raum," they argued. "Can you check at least, make sure its still there?"

"Yes but not now, they have enough injuries already and that takes time to heal. Adding more will just make it worse even if it's to check in on them," he explained. "I can check them later when they're doing better until then we just need to sit wait and pray."

"Like hell prayings going to do anything, the closest one to god here is Brian," they mumbled.

"Well," he paused trying to think of a good way to respond. "Maybe we'll get lucky."

Nothing else happened for a bit and things seemed to be getting better, their arms and fingers moved with more fluid motions and they could walk short distances. They spent most days just playing chess with Marius or listening to people's stories, it wasn't until around the second week they realized something.

What if they never got their voice back? What if they 're stuck like this. The thought instilled what could only be described as fear into the wooden doll as they slowly realized the repercussions if they never got their voice back. They would be stuck like this, the crew would pity them for the rest of immortality, and even worse they would never sing again. Sure they could play the mandolin but that was different, singing gave them a role, it made them a part of the group. The mandolin let them join but singing had helped form its place on the ship, even if everyone on the ships roles were different.

Now it wouldn't have that role, it would never be able to sing about the rose reds or raise morale the same way as it used to. It would never be able to sing with the crew in their drunken states or follow the old lyrics they would learn on separate planets. They would no longer be a part of the crew, at least not like they used to be. 

Then it smacked them in the face, Jonny. Jonny wouldn't want them around anymore. He only kept them for their recognizable voice and their ability to portray characters so well but without that they were just as expendable as any mortal. They no longer served a purpose and for that they were going to be air locked. They weren't going to be allowed to stay on the ship were they? No, he threw them out before what was to say they wouldn't be doing it this time.

They shook at the thought as they recalled the memories of being left in the cold space or seeing him chuckle as he tried to reroute the ship. They remembered tailing them grasping to whatever they could and following each time only to always be greeted with annoyance rather than joy. At first they had thought it was a mistake, it happened to the Doctor too so of course it must be a mistake, but they looked at it with such distaste when it returned. they chased it down in the hallways just to shoot it in the back, they were the first left behind and last picked up, they always would be. And now there was no reason to pick them up.

They barely realized the shaking in their bandaged joints as they were flooded with realizations. They couldn't stay and they didn't want to be hurt again. They didn't want to see the faces of disgust and annoyance when they showed up again. They couldn't take the looks of pity the crew would give them, like a dog that was kicked to the side. They needed to leave before the others would force them out.

They shakily got out of bed and stumbled through their room grabbing a small bag and stuffing it with whatever they needed. A uniform, some paints, a small hand mirror, just enough things until they got to the next planet. They slung that and their mandolin around their shoulder and leaned on the wall trying to walk down the ever longer hallways. They tried to be quick, tried to be fast since they didn't want someone else to push them out, or even worse let them stay out of pity.

It had always been their job to make the crew happy and if this was the only way, if removing themselves was the only way, then they would do it with no hesitation.

They apparently were not graced with that mercy however seeing as a bullet ripped through their shoulder followed by a string of curses. It turned around to see Jonny standing gun in hand rushing to grab them.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he shouted as he pulled them away from the door. "You don't just do that doll!"

Oh he was going to play the nice cards, that made things a lot more difficult.

He quickly pulled them away from the airlock and to the common room glancing every once in a while back to make sure they didn't run as he led them farther and farther from the door. He grabbed a notebook and pen, one he had been originally using for their songs, and handed it over.

"Why would you do that?" he asked, sounding both angry and concerned. 

I needed to.

"No you didn't doll so tell me, why did you do that."

They paused rephrasing their answer as they handed him the notebook.

I didn't want you guys to.

He seemed distressed by the sentence but more importantly he seemed angry and it was confused. Was he angry at them? Was he going to throw them out? Was this the end?

Apparently it was none of those things as Jonny lightly grasped its hand holding it tightly. He grasped them like they were a lifeline, like they were something important.

"Doll I need you to understand this, we are not going to do that," he refused to put a name to the action knowing full well it was still understood. "I-I know I did it before but not now and no more. I'm so sorry for it and I-I guess I regret it. I just-we can't lose you again and you need to know that."

They stared at him confused. What did he mean why was he telling it this, he never said this before why now?

Why?

He took a sharp inhale of breath. "You do know we care about you right?"

They fidgeted uncomfortably and didn't respond, that seemed to break his heart. A mistake they make too often it seems.

"Doll I'm so so sorry I'm not good at this and I know I need to do better and that I've never shown it before, but we do care about you. I don't think this crew would be the same without your presence and losing that permanently, I don't even want to think about it. We care about you, we need you here and that's why it breaks our hearts- that's why it breaks my heart to watch you do- watch you do that," he gripped it tighter. "You need to know this Doll I know I'm not the best at showing it but we want you here."

But I don't serve a purpose. Every Soldier needs a purpose.

"How could you say that? Why do you- Doll you've always served a purpose whether you realize it or not. You've always been here with us, you've always come back no matter what happened. You've been the one to help us, you've come to find us and comfort us when we act like we don't want anyone there. You've been the one to help us through hardship and strife You were the one who helped Tim when he was first on the ship no matter how much he shot you, you were the one to find Nastya after she and Aurora fought and you helped them, you helped everyone. Don't say you don't have a purpose cause you do."

He was almost on the brink of tears now, he looked distraught overall. They could see that he regretted it but they didn't understand, they didn't think they'd ever understand. 

Jonny. I'm not real.

“Except you are, you’re as real as Brian and Aurora and you're as real as me.You might not be flesh and blood and bone but your compassion, your emotion. You feel emotions and you act on them whether you're willing to admit it or not and that makes you so very real Doll.”

It felt like it was going to cry, it had never been told this before. It was told to pretend to be someone real, it was told it wasn’t real itself but this would make them real, it was told so many times that it could be real it didn’t realize it might already be real.

Can I hug you?

It was a simple question but for a second Jonny short circuited at it. “Of course you can,”

It grasped to him holding him tightly as tearless sobs wracked its form. It couldn’t hold it back anymore, it didn’t want to leave, it never wanted to leave but it thought it had to. It thought it would make everyone happy and apparently it was wrong and they did want it around, they wanted to keep it. 

He held them close as what just happened finally began to reach him fully, the consequences if he had been only a couple seconds late. They were almost gone, he had almost signed their death warrant without even realising it. If he had come in just a little bit later they would be gone. He would never admit it again but he was on the verge of tears hugging the Toy Soldier.

“I need you to promise to me to never do that again,” he began, careful to not stumble over the words. “It's not an order, it's a request, you need to tell me from your own conscience that this won’t happen again.”

It stayed there for a moment before pulling away to grab the notebook. 

I want to stay. I don’t want this to happen again.

“And that's enough doll,” he said. “That's enough of a reason to stay.”

They hugged for a while longer just crying on the couch and holding each other. IT was nice in a way, to be held and told you were loved. It felt loved right now and that seemed to happen oh so rarely. 

“Do you just want to stay here tonight?” he asked.

They nodded.

“Alright.”

The crew ended up finding them the next morning asleep on the couch while cuddling and were both confused and entertained by the scene. It was nice to see them getting along but it was still odd considering Jonny rarely let them touch him on a normal day much less hug him so this was a bit concerning to walk into. What was just as concerning was the notebook laying there with scratched out sentences on the table.

“Jonny, it's morning,” Ivy said lightly, shaking his shoulder. 

The man groaned in protest curling more into the Toy Soldier who was currently resting their head on his shoulder.

“Jonny, we have practice today get up,” Ashes shouted from where they were currently trying to make scrambled eggs.

“Cancel practice then,” he groaned sitting up and rubbing his eyes before suddenly tensing up. “Right this. We’re gonna need to talk about this.”

“Talk about what?” Ivy said frantically running calculations.

“Nothing you need to know right now, practice is cancelled at the minute we need to talk about something else.”

The percentages ran through her head as smoothly as ever but she didn’t want those right now. She wanted clean answers not Jonny dancing around the truth.

“Aurora can you call everyone to the common room?” he asked and was answered with a light beeping noise, a yes to say the least.

With more compassion than Ivy had seen him use so freely before he carefully shook the balled up figure awake and was greeted by a small yawn and smile. They still clung to him on the couch like if they let go he would disappear into the wind and he was doing the same. 

“I called the others so we can talk about this, alright.”

Their smile wavered as they looked him in the eyes. He quickly spoke trying to calm their uneasiness. “I haven’t told them yet, we just need to get this sorted.”

They nodded before realising Ivy was in the room and waved softly at her, clearly uncomfortable with the situation but making no move to remove themselves from it. She waved back in as friendly a manner as she could before making her way to the kitchen to hopefully make a decent cup of tea, she didn’t want to bother them right now with requests.

The rest of the crew arrived almost as a group mainly laced with concern and began to sit on the many couches and chairs they had sprawled across the room. Nobody got to close but they did look like they were ready to jump to their friends aid if needed. 

“So do you want me to begin,” Jonny asked, holding Ts under his arm. 

They nodded moving a little closer to him. “Alright, we need to be a little more careful about some things. Last night things we’re a little rough and they almost followed in the good doctors footsteps.”

“As in the airlock?” Ashes softly said, needing the confirmation of what they all were thinking. .

“Yeah,” he shook a little at the statement. “ I won’t pretend I had no say in this because I most definitely did and this isn’t my piece to share or judge but we need to be a little better and- do you want to take the reigns?”

They reached forward grabbing their notebook and pen before quickly writing down what they felt and handing it to Jonny to read to the group, he would be their voice for now. 

“I thought you guys were going to get rid of me. All of you expressed distaste for me when Nastya first brought me here and wanted me gone, some of you wanted me dead. Then when you found out I could sing to your heart's content you wanted to keep me and you all got nicer and listened more and used less orders but then I stopped being able to and,” he took a deep breath before continuing. “And I didn’t want you guys to throw me away again and so I decided I would do it myself, get out of everyones hair.”

Both of them felt the tears coming as he pulled it into another hug. 

“Is it ok if we hug you?” Marius cautiously asked. 

It nodded and as soon as it stopped they felt everyone surrounding it and holding it close. They tried to hold back the tears but to no avail as everyone whispered sweet words and nicknames some they had never heard before. It felt loved and appreciated and that was more than it had felt in so long with anyone else. 

“First off I need you to know we are not getting rid of you, not now, not ever. You are so dear to us and I never wanted you to go through this or anything for that matter,” Marius reassured, stroking their hair softly. “You mean so much to us all and everything we did when you first arrived was foolish, you're just as much as any of us.”

“What he's saying is we want you to stay unless you yourself need to leave,” Nastya summarized ever so quick to the point. “Even if you want to leave we want that to be on a nice planet not like that.”

“You losing your voice was never going to convince us to get rid of you,” Raphealla continued taking the reins as they were passed around. “You can still do so much even if you don’t have your voice. We just need to wait for it to heal through and then you can sing as much as you please, please don’t force yourself on our accord though.”

It nodded and curled more into the group as people continued to share their appreciation. It was almost too much for their wooden heart to handle but they didn't want it to stop. So they continued, they continued to cry and comfort and befriend everyone more than it had ever before.

It wasn't until an hour or two later when people began to slowly let go of it but they never left the room. Marius suggested some possibilities for them if they wanted to check in on their vocal chords

“A x-ray might work, otherwise me and raph will happily perform a check in just to see if anything needs to be repositioned.”

They nodded in agreement as Jonny made it quite clear he would be present during the operation. It was quite clear hw would not be stirred by their refusal and protest and eventually the doctor gave up.

Even after everyone had left Jonny refused to let the Toy Soldier wander off alone, at least for today. He followed it around as it wandered around even insisting at carrying it at certain points.

“You're still weak in the legs you can’t just walk around all day,” he claimed as he struggled to pick up the taller figure.

It ended up with him barely holding them in a bridal carry hardly holding him off the ground. Their legs dangled feet brushing the ground every once in a while which only convinced him to try lifting them higher. He was lucky nobody was in the hallway because this scene was one of the more humorous ones to see in the Auroras halls. Still the gesture was sweet and who was The Toy Soldier to refuse the kindness it craved. 

He was more affectionate as the days passed by and they were happy to oblige. 

“If you need something just come ask someone ok? We’re here to help.”

It warmed their heart every time they passed somebody in the hallways and they smiled back. They loved the attention and affection they got when everyone passed by and each little gesture meant so much to them. 

It took awhile but eventually their voice started to return on top of that. They practically cried of delight when a octo kitten had scared them eliciting a small squeak as they passed by. The scene was a bit more concerning for Tim who was originally going to feed them seeing as the Toy Soldier was jumping up and down as the creature mewled and oozed around it. He was just as exhilarated by the news rushing to feed the horde before returning to his friend. 

Jonny was the second to find out after also stumbling across the two and prompt asking if Tim was drunk. After that things news spread quickly as they continued to heal. Marius was insistent about waiting another week though before they sung anything just to let everything set right.

“It’s not me being rude, it's me putting my doctorate to work,” he joked.

They didn’t protest much since he was right even if he didn’t actually have a doctorate. At one point later in the night after most of the crew was asleep Jonny had pulled them to the side.

“This doesn’t change what we said before, you're still worth more than your voice Doll, you're a real member of this crew.”

They didn’t know how to respond so they just did what they could, a nod and a hug.

**Author's Note:**

> just for reference of my mood behind the scenes I spent like a good 5 minutes copying and pasting 20 pages from my google doc and I don't know why but I found that hilarious to think about. I'M just sitting here in the dark dead quiet slowly scrolling up on my laptop as I copy and paste this over. Anyway hope your all doing well and quarantine is either done or not as harsh where you are. Take care!


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